a stupid grin goes a long way

...tonight, David and Megan shut us out of his bedroom with a stern warning in the form of a note from George Bush on the door that read, "Daddy and Moma DO NOT ENTER Constricon in Progres, Sincerly, G.W.B." David sported his best Secret Service attitude (complete with glasses) and little Meg was giggle-goofy-serious, trying not to give away the surprise.

"We're pretending to be cooks..." David later said while he fumbled the strings to a decorate-it-yourself apron (still blank).

Megan, her little squinchy eyes poking out a crack in the door, squeaked a high-pitched and dimpled, "We're gonna pretend to make a cake... "

And so they "pretend[ed] to make a cake"...really...it must have been pretend since it didn't come out so well.

----------

Tonight was my night to cook, since Marcia has school on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I didn't feel like cooking anything (even with the microwave), and was procrastinating with thoughts of cereal, but eventually settled on a little breakfast inversion--waffles (yeah baby).

Meanwhile, Meg, being the "little mother" that she is, was eager to offer her services.

"I'll cook somethin', Daddy." She happily offered, to which Marcia made an unpleasant face. Her displeasure, while not wholly unjustified, was fortunately obscured to our little Rachel Ray by the basket of clean and wrinkly clothes yet to make it into their respective drawers.

You see, Meg has an Easy Bake...a Christmas gift from my mother-in-law that doesn't seem to bring quite so many smiles as promised on the box (What the heck is that little girl smiling about??? Oh, RIIIIGHT, I know that cake didn't come outta that thing...). Even adult supervision and strict adherence to the instructions can't seem to make this stuff taste like the picture on the wrappers.

So far, she's made french fries, pizza, pasta, and now a cake, none of which really tasted much better than an expired MRE. Tonight's cakes, to the shagrin of my unpampered chefs, were a flop. The first one was apparently supposed to be of the two layer variety, but ended up a two pile instead. The second one, from the frustrated report of my son, "turned into water" (it's true, I found it still in the mixing bowl). The results were not for lack of effort, however, as evidenced by the pile of empty wrappers and chocolate stained bowls. The measuring cups, still showing traces of the ill-fated ingredients, were carefully propped up to prevent them from touching the carpet. The oven was in the middle of the floor with table lamps on either side (the lamps, I assume, were to provide a low-level lighting effect to help conceal their operation from us). All in all, quite a production.

----------

There is one recipe that happens to come out perfectly every time--it's the one that results in an unbreakable smile and a sense of wonderful bigness in the heart of my little girl.

Even now, as I struggle to keep my eyes open, the warmth of those moments kindles something inside that is difficult to put words to. I take such pleasure in never refusing to heartily devour her masterpieces no matter how bland the taste or "interesting" the texture.

Tuesday it was a batch of spiral noodles. The sauce mix turned out to be a little outdated and chunky, so we opted to use the other half of the requirement, ketchup. It wasn't really all bad, just not "MMM," but the little white lie that I told with my stupid grin and full-mouthed "MMM" was well worth it.

---And you can bet I'll be smiling proudly through many, many more of Meg's meals in the years to come. After all, one of these days she'll be cooking for someone else...

Thank you, wonderful Lord, for giving me the opportunity to spend these last 10 and 7 years reponsible for your little sheep. Thank you for the amazing gifts that they are and have been. Every day is another gift, another measure of your grace.

Please give me the wisdom to lead them....Please give me the courage to be selfless...Please give me the perseverance to never forsake my duty to them in You.

Thank you Father. In Jesus' name...

"...because of one simple rule--love thy neighbor"

of late, one burning topic I've been challenged to consider revolves around how God wants me to respond to my homosexual neighbors...

"love thy neighbor as thyself" was not on a billboard in Sodom...but then again, that quote had yet to be uttered when the city was destroyed...this attitude of forgiveness and compassion was personified by the Man I call Savior, whose whole ministry seemed to revolve around meeting the outcasts on their level

Philip Yancey mentioned a quote by someone who said he was saddened by the fact that the war for civil rights [for the black community in the 50's & 60's] was fought in the courts rather than the church. What does that mean? How does that apply to this issue?

Doesn't that mean OUR hearts? "The church is not a building" and "God is bigger than the boogey man" and "if we are the body, why aren't his arms reaching?"

Our hearts have to change--a paradigm shift (says Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)--we have to beg God to use His word (our "girdle of truth") to remove or defog or recolor or crush the bigoted lenses we've been taught to see through. We have to do more than the complacent skimming of the Book that we toted under our arm to Sunday school so we could get a check next to our name on the attendance card.

The changes that we know are wrong will come. Our efforts within the laws of our nation are but a stalling tactic, since our government is not the public servant of the Right or the Church or the clean and cuddly people who do not offend us--they are the government of the United States and all its citizens.

The church, as an institution, is out of touch with society at large partly because we fight with gnashing teeth in the courtroon, rather than invite them into our pristine churches.

We can be so shallow in our efforts to save! Our job is to save them--to love them--not beat them back into the shadows!

The truth is, the battle in the courts is so much easier for us--We don't have to step outside our comfort zones...we don't have to challenge our sacred stereotypes...we don't have to get involved and risk being taken advantage of by the "least of these."

Please break down this wall Lord! Please make me usable...make my eyes see through to the heart of a man...give me x-ray vision Lord...let me see a piece of what you see: my brother and sister, filtered down to the smallest micron of your original design, that perfect design we've ruined.

You are all powerful, and you are all loving. Make this love real to me...make it an unbashful act. Father, challenge my stereotypes...purge me...purify my heart. Thank you Jesus...for your example. In Jesus name...

Revisiting--"repentance without regret, leading to salvation"

How quickly I forget a miracle...

Only a few days removed and already the habitual stagnation returns. God used me, in spite of all my imperfections and disqualifying past, to help a friend make an improbable (some might say impossible) change of heart towards someone who wounded him deeply. And yet, even after God said "thank you" for not really much of anything except a few obedient days of prayer and genuine Bible study, I still find it easy to slack.

As for the miracle: I call it miraculous not only for the amazing transformation, but for the method, the steps clearly taken by God to prepare a foundation that made such a transformation possible.

What made the miracle so meaningful to me was the fact that its end revealed to me in real time a small glimpse of Jesus' forgiveness. I've lived 28 years, 8 months and so many days, and I've been involved in church in some fashion for most of that. I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember and never really experienced that life-altering, "scale-removing", pulling from the depths of sin experience that makes forgiveness all the more real and sweet. But here is my friend, my good friend, suffering a blow that could have been mine. Here he was, questioning God and himself, swallowing his rage, wondering if he had wasted 8 years of commitment to someone other than himself...ready to give up everything.

But by the grace of an amazing God, he made a complete reversal by the next morning. He chose forgiveness, but only because God had laid the foundation--He made it possible for an awesome good to come of another of Satan's statistics.

He became a picture of what Christ did for me so many years ago. My friend's forgiveness for the ones he had a worldy right to hate showed me Jesus anew and perhaps, in a way previously unknown to me. How could he say "forgive them"...how could he choose such a road when he had a "right" to justice in full??

To paraphrase Nelson Mandela after being released from 30 years of wrongful imprisonment: "we need healing more than we need justice"

That's it.

That's what the bigots and militant homosexuals and stupids and uglies and murderers and chain smokers and overeaters and gum smackers and road ragers and gossipers and legalistics and politicians and terrorists and...hypocrites...and "wretch[es] like me" need. That's what Jesus came to give.

That's what makes this ridiculous life...this nonsensical cycle of pain and happiness, suffering and pleasure, birth and death...worth bothering with in the first place.

It's LOVE in its most amazing shape--forgiveness.

Thank you Lord...for your forgiveness! Please revive that spirit of thankfulness and peace in me anew each day. In Jesus name...

"repentance without regret, leading to salvation"

"True saints do not get discouraged over their faults, for they recognize that a person who feels no guilt can never find healing. Paradoxically, neither can a person who wallows in guilt. The sense of guilt only serves its designed purpose if it presses us toward the God who promises forgiveness and restoration.
I once thought Christians went through life burdened by guilt, in contrast to carefree unbelievers. I now realize that Christians are the only persons who do not have to go through life feeling guilty. Guilt is only a symptom; we listen to it because it drives us toward the cure."

From Guilt Good and Bad The early warning signs by Philip Yancey
Copyright © 2002 Christianity Today. November 18, 2002, Vol. 46, No. 12, Page 112

Paul spoke about this in Corinthians:
"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

I know I've wasted so many days of my life wallowing in guilt over one sin or another, fretting at my inability to be perfect. I now understand that I should be praising God for allowing me the benefit of conscience, for not forsaking me in spite of it all. This guilt that drove me to "crocodile tears" all these years was missing the mark precisely due first to a lack of this perspective.

Perhaps this realization would have made it easier to repent. Perhaps when I cried out in earnest and asked Him "why?", this truth would have driven me to take the one fundemental step that I could never seem to keep going: daily prayer and meditation on God's Word.

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Just this week I have been given a glimpse of God's rewards for daily commitment. He used me this past week in a truly amazing way! It is only because I committed to Him each day, sought his purging, and kept my eyes open for his work around me that I was able to be there for my friend.

Father, please check my pride. Please open my eyes to your work, to your hands in my life and give you all the credit and praise for this change in my life and for the amazing miracle that you performed through me last week. Precious Lord, you've spared me the retribution that I have long-deserved. I owe so much for my sin! You gave Jesus, as if that wasn't enough! And still you hold back your hand of judgement against me! Thank you, Father, for your grace in my life, and in the life of my family.

Prepare me Lord, for the day of trial that is to come. Please give me strength to endure, to stay bowed before you, whatever may come. I still have fears, Father, fears of losing those things that I hold dear. Help me to give back to you the gifts that you have given me: my life, my wife, my children, my comfortable home, and the daily provision that I treat as my own. Take them Father and make them yours. In Jesus' name...