breaking squelch...

(emerging from the depths...it has been a while...perhaps all should view the frequency of my postings as a thermometer for my spiritual health)

you know, if I continue to work to provide/please my wife, my children, my boss (and bosses), while denying myself (at least feeling that I am denying myself something) then I will have cause for resentment at some point in my life (indeed I already feel this way some days)

(pause...) and yet, in all this, aren't I doing all for self, albeit indirectly? plugging away for those in my care--to what end if the spiritual debt goes unpaid?

the only solution is to do all for the glory of God (man, how that phrase sounds so elevated) and naturally all other things will fall into place--I am trying to learn and make sense of this idea

(I'm not talking about "sin" here, at least not in the popular sense...I'm more concerned about laboring towards some undefined end...

you know, the funny thing about dreams is that they always seem disjointed and confusing, having no purpose but appearing like one of those movie ransom notes with letters all over the place--like the paint-strewn Pollock paintings...I suspect that the "American Dream" may not be much different)

and the first step is forcing myself to pray...then believing that God will provide the time to read His word....and then doing it again...and again...all the while attempting to have faith that God honors my commitment

great...now let's get to it (doesn't seem so darn complicated, but Man am I tired this morning...what else is new?)